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Is there anything else left to say?












Nope.

I am told I am guilty of this...

Yes, I'm doing it again - I signed up for the 2009 Breast Cancer 3-Day! I had such an incredible experience doing the 3-Day last year that I'm going back for more. I'm so excited about this event, even though this year I really know what I've gotten myself into.

This year, however, my purpose for walking became even more personal. Just a few months after I signed up for the 3 Day, I got some news I new expected to receive. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Not in one breast, but both breasts. From what we hear it is very rare to have cancer in both breast at the same time. In February my mother underwent a bilateral mastectomy. I was able to be by her side throughout the whole process. It was truly a scary time, but when her surgeon told us that it had not spread to her lymph nodes, we were so relieved. She is now in the process of her reconstruction and undergoing drug therapy. I can't begin to sing the praises of her doctors and the amazing nurses of the LD Breast Center, where she had her surgery and treatment. Watching my mom go through this process only made my desire to do my part in finding a cure for this disease even stronger.

I need your help. I am planning on surpassing the $2260.00 that you - my friends and family - gave so generously last time around to help fight breast cancer.

Just follow the link above to visit my personal fundraising page and make a donation. I know times are tough right now, but what ever you can give either big or small is appreciated more than you will ever know. Thanks for all of your support. I'm incredibly lucky to have people like you in my life!

Love,
Lisa

ANZAC Biscuits

In honor of ANZAC Day on Saturday. I made some ANZAC's. When we were in Australia we were there on the 25th of April, ANZAC Day. We were lucky enough to be a part of this celebration (here, this is what it's all about). My friends mother- in-law made these cookies (biscuits) for us. They are by far the best cookie I have ever tasted. They are crunchy on the outside but chewy on the inside and believe it or not they get better with age, they keep forever, but not in my house because they are eaten up within the first two days. They require an imported ingredient called golden syrup. My friend brings me cases of golden syrup from Australia when she comes to visit, but you can check your local british market and you may be able to find it. You can also substitute half dark corn syrup and half molasses, I have never tried it but I hear it's a pretty good alternative. Here is how I make them:

Anzac Biscuits

2 cups Flour
2 cups Oats
1 3/4 cup sugar
2 cups coconut
2 sitcks of butter
4 tablespoons golden syrup
4 tablespoons boiling water
2 teaspoons baking soda

The key players

Mix all of your dry ingredients

Don't be messy like me.....

Sugar, flour and oats

Don't forget the coconut!

Mix it all up

Get your 2 sticks of butter, not that gross margerine or Cri$co butter flavored crap. REAL butter!

Melt your butter

To your butter, add the golden syrup

Give it a good swirl, until fully incorporated

In a separate bowl, nuke your water until boiling lava hot and add the baking soda. Mix thoroughly.

Pour your water/baking soda mixture into the butter and golden syrup

It will get all foamy and bubbly

Pour into your dry ingrdients

Mix well

Drop by rounded spoonfuls (I use a scooper)

Pop in a 325 degree oven for 20-22 minutes

Voila, ANZAC Biscuits!

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Reality

As you may have noticed (the 9 of you who still read this blog), each post for the last year has been merely fluff and rainbow farts. The reason, as most of you know, there is nothing to report. We all know that China is moving along at a snails pace and the prospect of a referral is a BIG UNKNOWN. As for me when I first started writing this blog I had no idea what I was doing and I started it to jot a few things down and to use this as a journal for our trip to China. China....that far off distant land that I used to long to visit. I use the word "used" because it is a pipe dream now. Let me be perfectly honest when I say I have checked out of this adoption. These two years have sucked the life right out of my dream of having a daughter. At first when I would get sad/mad/depressed/hopeless, I would read a travel journal or look at a Y0utube video of a family receiving their beautiful daughter being placed in their arms for the first time and every time it would make me sob with tears of hope that one day that would be me. I would wipe the tears and it would restore my hope for another few months until I had the sad/mad/depressed/hopeless feeling again. The last few months I have put it all out of my mind and concentrated on other thing, because lets face it there alot of things going on that have kept my mind busy. I knew it might be time to do a little adoption reconnaissance, so I pulled up a few China adoption stories on Y0utube and sat down for a cry. Nothing. Not a tear, not a tug at my heart, nothing. I could have been watching a whale beaching himself on the shore. I have checked out. I don't know if this is permanent or just a temporary duck and cover for my heart, but I know that the feeling I had two years ago is different and not in a good way.

Yes, we are considering the SN program but with my agency it is not as easy as the other agencies. We are still looking at a few more years with that. I don't want to switch agencies or countries. I want to do what I set out to do over three years ago and go to China for my daughter.

I am ready to chuck this whole thing. Do you know how hard it was to write that? The reality is that it is true. This process is grueling and no one who just wants to parent should have to endure this type of torture. Torture sounds so extreme but I racked my brain and my thesaurus and could not come up with a word that could describe the feeling I have had for the last two years. How do I really feel?

THIS SUCKS ASS, THE SUCKIEST ASS THERE IS TO SUCK

That's how I really feel and it feels really good to scream it.

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Make me wanna