Tootles

We're heading out for a few days of R & R. My BFF is getting married here and the wedding party is making a long weekend out of it. Love, friends, a beautiful place........who could ask for anything more?

Sunday, bloody Sunday.

This made my day. I pulled up to my inbox and found this nugget from no one other than my mother in law. She's good like that. I think I'll keep her (my MIL not, turd girl). This has probably been swimming around the internet for a while now but I just got wind (ha) of it. How funny is THIS??? I have been in a bit of a funk, and this made me hysterically laugh.


What didn't make me laugh was the fact that my dog ate a half order of buffalo hot wings. Last night I went to an engagement party and bought pizza and hot wings for the boys before I left. Since we have no kitchen our outside patio table has become the new dining area. Well, unbeknown to us the twin engines 'forgot' to bring in the leftover food from the outside and Bailey helped herself to hot wings and pepperoni pizza. Fast forward to 7am this morning..........my Homie and I are awakened by the most unusual sound. It sounds like a muzzled cat riding a Moped. This strange sound is coming from somewhere our room. We look around all there is is a sleeping dog. We shrug our shoulders and try to fall back asleep. The sound again, we listen it is getting louder and weirder. Then came a smell that would knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. Ewwwww! I look at Homeboy and he immediately says "That was NOT me". I'm like "Right" and roll my eyes. We follow the smell to the culprit. My 75lb bassett hound processing the 18 tablespoons of cayenne pepper and mozzarella cheese. She drops another bomb and I apologize to my Homie. Poor baby. I know she will be fine because this is not her first attempt at people food. She has eaten in her lifetime: a box of Bi$quick, a giant bag of Halloween candy WITH the wrappers, Victoria $ecret underwear, numerous Lego$, a pair of Charle$ David sandals, 5 Beanie Babie$ and one year a christmas present. She has an iron gut apparently. I am keeping an eye on her but you can tell where she is by the smell of her swamp ass nearby, and nearby is right next to me tootin' away.

Bittersweet Olympics

I am watching the opening ceremonies and I am in awe. It is an amazing display of the Chinese culture and tradition. Truly AMAZING. I am, however, watching with a big lump in my throat. When we were logged in our agency predicted we would be traveling right around Olympic time (they told us to expect an 18 month wait at most). I remember being panicked because airfares would be sky high and we would most likely have to miss touring Beijing because of the hullabaloo surrounding the games. Well, here I am sitting here watching the opening ceremonies with my best bud, Hank (my dog), not traveling, not getting prepared to travel, not even close to looking at a picture of our daughter. I sit here with my dog, wondering what our future holds. Will I ever see her?

Two days were referred this month. Hence the lump.
Damn, this is hard.

Switched On

It doesn't take much to turn me on lately. LOOK at my new switches and outlets!!! A Dimmer! Can you flippin' BELIEVE IT?

So here is the progress so far

Insulation

More insulation and where I eat my dinner

Look, even Bailey is sick of construction. Okay, she always looks like that, but still.

Drywall (that corner was my old kitchen, or the cooking closet)

Yay, more drywall

A refrigerator always looks nice in the middle of the room, but it has DRYWALL!

Fireplace drywalled

Are you sick of drywall yet? I'm not.

With paint and electrical done

See all of those boxes? Those are my cabinets. Whose bright idea was it to get them at Ike@?

It was my bright idea. Homegirl wanted to save a buck. Now Homegirl wants to save her marriage (Homeboy is not all stoked on having to putting them together). I kid. Sorta.

The joys of demo. I am getting used to the look of stucco shrapnel and busted up lawn furniture in my ghetto yard with dead grass. We have had two 40 yard dumpsters so far and another one comes next week. Nice.

Do you have any idea what it's like to eat micro'd lasagna from Co$tco for the 8th week in a row? It's not pretty. I found a website for 'no kitchen cooking'. Who knew you could make gumbo in a rice cooker. Too bad it tastes like ass.

Me and my Homies

My newest obsession of late has been paddle surfing. My Homeboy has been doing this for years, but one day he bribed me with drinks at the J0lly R0ger if I tried it. Martini? I'm in. So we grabbed the boards and headed off. I'm glad I did. I LOVE IT. There is nothing more calming than gliding across the water with the sun on your back and the beauty of the ocean to look at. We took the boys and the dog for a family day over the weekend, The boys like it, a little boring and not as much action for them, but they threw us oldies a bone and paddle boarded too. Here are a few photos of the day:

My Homeboy and I out for a cruise

Twin #1. The kid could stand up on a 2x4, he has THAT much balance

Twin #2. Heading off into the harbor mouth to catch some waves

Even Hank gets in on the action. He LOVES paddle boarding

Summer lovin'

Been busy. Not much time or desire to blog. I'll rock it bullet style.

• I had my cooktop plumbed for a pot filler (this). So I go out to pick out the fixture only to find out that they cost over $1000 for that little ba$tard. Talk about sticker shock. I walk out of the kitchen and bath showroom hanging my head in defeat when I thought about checking out the internet. Well, wouldn't you know it I found a major manufacturer clearinghouse of plumbing fixtures and got a smokin' and I mean SMOKIN' deal on it. Damn, I love the power of the internet.

• I find it funny that our employee, who is a drummer in a punk band and has neck tats, dials the XM R@dio to the classical station.
  

• Having teenagers is hard, even the good ones. When do you let out the slack? When do you reel it in? It's hard to get the right balance.
  

• The economy is tanking, I am afraid.

• I am tired of tourists with their rental cars driving 20 miles an hour on the coastal route, pointing out waves to Aunt Gladys. Pull over and look at the beautiful ocean, you will appreciate it more, trust me. Oh, and the next time one of them leaves a hibachi grill in the road while getting the rest of their gear out of the car is going to be going hungry because I am going to run it over on purpose, no more swerving.

Nineteen

Nineteen months. If thats not bad enough I get a wonderful (she says dripping with sarcasm) email from my agency about their H@gue status. Shoot. Me. Now.

3 words and some bullet action

• Anyone who knows me knows I have discovered this fine snack called Uncru$tables. It happened out of sheer desperation due to the fact that I have not had a kitchen for the last month. I was forced to dive into the frozen section at the market to scour the aisles for quality frozen nuked food to feed my family. I stumbled across the Uncru$tables one day. I started out with the peanut butter and grape jelly ones. Okay, YUM! Not being a huge fan of white bread, I kept searching for another option. Until I hit the motherlode. Uncru$tables with peanut butter and HONEY (well, honey "spread". You can't have it all) on wheat bread. They are delicious. Off to call 1-8oo-Jenny.

• Speaking of house. Tuesday. Or heads are going to roll. Thats all I'm going to say about that.
  

• Why when you get a pedicure the lady doing your toes refuses to actually cut the nail as opposed to just filing it? I had a pedicure a few weeks ago and I am not kidding my toenails are like talons. I am going to have to bust out the belt sander for this job. Sorry foot phobs.

• Did you read that since the economy is going down the shitter, that it is actually "In" to be a tightwad? Good, because I'm way "In". I cut back my driving BIG TIME. I leave the house and I go in a circle, if something is not on my circle, it's not getting done. I find myself staying at work later, because if the boys need a ride home I swoop in, like a bald eagle. I'm on on my perch waiting. Since we eat out alot due to the ghost kitchen, I have gotten good at early bird specials. We can eat at the Irish Pub down the street for $40 for the four of us if we eat between 4-7pm and order water. We are talking flat iron steak, people. Old people are on to something.....

• I can't believe how hard I am on my laptop. It is just about 2 years old and the hinge from the monitor to the keyboard is broken completley, if you make a false move it will come crashing down. The enter key and the home key have fallen off. Poor thing looks so ghetto. I kind of dig it's worn in look, though. Good thing because I need to squeeze a few more years out of it.

• We gave our 4th of July plans to go on a trek to some friends house for a 4th/Housewarming party the flick and instead did mounds of yardwork (construction mess) and garage organizing. We felt naughty for canceling but it seems we have not spent a weekend at home with no plans at all in ages. It has been wonderful. We went to two movies (2 for 1, *ok, really we snuck into the second one, SHHHH don't tell*) and I watched two movies on pay per view. I slept in until almost 8 am each day. I feel I got alot of things accomplished this 3 day weekend.

• If you have HB0, check out this documentary Ganja Queen. It just saw it and it is still with me. I never heard about his in the news (I guess that would mean I would have to actually WATCH the news) and I have no idea if she did it or not, but just see it if you have the chance. I will forever lock my suitcase or board bag from now on. Comment if you have seen it.

• I can't believe we are over half way through the year. Damn.

• Rumor has it, 3 days were referred. January 25th. Triple damn with a side of FUCK.
  

Super Dud Buster Meme

For the 2 people who read my blog anymore ('cause dog knows I don't read many blogs anymore either). From my favorite earth mother who I will share a Cheeseburger in Paradise with one of these days.


Only one word answers allowed and can't use the same word twice.

1. Where is your cell phone? Somewhere
2. Your significant other? M
3. Your hair? Brown
4. Your mother? Genuine
5. Your father? Giver
6. Your favorite time of day? Mornings
7. Your dream last night? Trippy
8. Your favorite drink? Chardonnay
9. Your dream goal? Content
10. The room you're in? Bedroom
11. Your ex? History
12. Your fear? Dying
13. Where do you want to be in six years? Here
14. What you are not? Mean
15. Your favorite meal? Food
16. One of your wish list items? China
17. The last thing you did? Lunch
18. Where you grew up? Here
19. What are you wearing? Shorts
20. Your tv is? Dusty
21. Your pets? Important
22. Your computer? Dropped
23. Your life? Evolving
24. Your mood? Crappy
25. Missing someone? Many
26. Your car? Guzzler
27. Something you're not wearing? Makeup
28. Favorite store? Internet
29. Your summer? Typical
30. Your favorite color? Red
31. When is the last time you laughed? Hours
32. When is the last time you cried? Weeks
33. Your health? Excellent
34. Your children? Amazing
35. Your future? Exciting
36. Your beliefs? Personal
37. Young or old? Young
38. Your image? Cheeky
39. Your appearance? Fragrant
40. Would you live your live over again, knowing what you know now? Absofuckinglutley

I tag anyone who needs a dud blog memed.

Screaming Mimi

*****WARNING*****
Bitch and rant ahead

My homeboy and I say this to each other too often "If we didn't have bad luck, we wouldn't have any luck at all". I don't know if it is so much bad luck or bad mojo or bad timing. What ever it is IT SUCKS ASS. So I sit here waiting. I have become really good at waiting. I'm not even going to touch on the adoption waiting, that gives the vapors, so we will not EVEN go there. I waited almost a year and a half of waiting to get through the bullshit with the county. We finally threw in the towel with them and surrendered, modified our plans for the house to suit them as opposed to them suiting us. So we started construction, right? We get assholes to elbows deep in demo and the first crew decides that working is for losers, so they decide to not show up for three days. I call our GC and he has another crew put on the job, this crew is great however they are spread between 3 different jobsites. They can show up when they can which means one measly day this week. I try to be Ms. Gotitogethercalmhomeowner but the minute I get on the phone with my GC telling him that the crew that was supposed to be here two hours ago has not showed up, I morph into a ball busting hell cat. I hate that side of me but, damn it all to hell if I don't those dudes that showed up the ONE DAY this week wouldn't have shown up at all. I have been PROMISED that on Tuesday my crew will be here on the bright and prepared to work DAILY until our job is finished. PROMISED.

So, as I sit here writing this I am waiting. Waiting for the washing machine repairman. On Monday, in the midst of getting the 12 loads of vacation laundry done my washing machine decides to take a dump on me. Pull knob, no workey. He first came on Tuesday to look at it, but as luck (HA HA) would have it the part he needed was not on his truck. So we had to schedule an appointment for today between 10-12. Guess what, it's 12:50 and he is not here. The office said he is "on his way", codeword for "he's throwing down a Subway $5 footlong, a Budwei$er and will be there after he drops the kids off at the pool".

Aye Dios Mio.