I haven't got my pancakes yet. You know how it hits you all of the sudden that you want something? Well that was me yesterday. I wanted pancakes. What I really want is my baby, Damn it! I know "technically" we are not even past the time frame window that our agency said we would be getting our referral, but knowing that we will wait almost 3-4 years is agonizing. I was proud to say I never wavered, stood up accepted the wait and walked on. That is what we call denial. This week the denial wore off and reality set in. I wavered. I sat Mark down and laid it on the line. You see, Mark keeps his head so far in the sand regarding our adoption he could probably SEE China from there. He says I worry, research, blog, and read enough that I make up for his share. He knew the wait was long, but just how long I wasn't sure he was aware of. So we talked, I cried. We talked about what we have invested in this, not only financially but emotionally. The money means nothing, we could pull our dossier and walk away, go on living as a family of four. But thats not what we want. We want her. We could switch to another country, but that is not where she is. I see her face, it is very faint, but I see her. She is waiting for us and we are waiting for her.
So now's the time where I pull up the big girl panties, wipe the tears and walk on. I'm doing just that. But I also believe everyone needs to have a big ol pity party in once in a their lifetime.
Thanks for the comments guys! I know we are all in this mess together. Nice to know we've got each other.
6 COMMENTS:
So freakin true. Sometimes I am making something in the oven that takes an hour, and that seems like the longest hour to wait.
How the frick am I going to last another damn year waiting for my baby???
Hmmmmmm. I'm glad you're gonna stick it out, but it stinks that you have to.
BTW, I saw your pancake picture last night and became ravenously hungry for pancakes. I went out for breakfast with The Husband this morning and I had my pancakes. Thanks.
Oh my.... still in the funk I see.
No words of wisdom
it comes and it goes
hope it goes tomorrow....
at least our pre/and post referral blues hit us at different times or we'd all line up at the loony bin together.
My hubby must know your hubby in the sand pit. I guess both of us cannot ride the emotional rollercoaster together.
If you ever need to pull those panties up again we'll be here...awww..you know what I mean.
BTD. G-d do I feel your pain. I remember when we were going through our adoption and my agency made me feel like a total nut job for um, lets see, jumping off the high dive and freaking out. Yep, my husband was just like yours. His comment was always the same, "they told us it would be awhile". I could have just reached over and slapped him! Yeah, they did tell us it would be awhile, but for effing g-d's sake a little compassion would have been nice. Have your pity party and cry. Cry loudly. Then drink. A lot.
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