I did it. I did something I promised myself I wasn't going to do. I had the meltdown today. I had the 'I'm so pissed and sad, and mad, and heartbroken' cry that it is going to be almost 3 or 4 years before we bring our baby girl home. I try to keep my head in the sand, but today I decided to go mainstream and check out the sites. Bad idea. My poor Mother in Law called to ask about the jellyfish and I unloaded on her full time about how this wait, the lack of answers and the unknown is making me crazy and how I don't know if I'll make it before I go postal. By the end of the conversation she made me feel better and we are laughing how we might be able to save money on the airfare because we will be able to use our AARP cards.
So I did it, didn't want to do it, but I did. And I feel better for it.
P.S. I thought with my new body I would get some new hardware for my face. My piercer said this look is all the rage in Ch!na.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
I'm not a virgin anymore
Posted by Operationtigerlily at 3:49 PM
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11 COMMENTS:
Yep...the sadness is certainly making its rounds this week. Good that you had a cry. Let it out, man. Don't let it fester.
It's spreading, the sadness. Surprised to hear you were a virgin though :). Nice idea about the AARP but I'm sure I'll have saved eleventy billion points by travel time.
oh shit.
no advice from this basket case.
just a hug and big ole girl kiss
Broken promises are certainly allowed in the colossal mess. I'm glad you're feeling better, though. Hang in there, sweetie. It sucks, for sure, but at least we've got our buds with us on this Slow Boat...
The nasty circular thing about the new twist in Chinese adoption is that if the long horrible wait makes you go postal you'll get a criminal record and you won't be allowed to adopt. Shit.
Glad you got it out of your system.
And OUCH to that face!
Really, I think everyone is starting to cycle together with the major sadness. Sorry yours came--lots of love to you.
Sorry you're feeling bad about the wait. I totally understand, and have been there. Now I'm just bitter and angry about it.
I think I would feel the same. I find living in limbo very difficult. I would be searching and reseaching all options, I am just not a good 'wait-er'.
Sorry to hear about the down time. I make myself not check main sites for a week or two because I am always upset after. Luckily your mother in law was ther to talk to - I usually unload on some innocent distant frined who just asked "how are things going?" Boy they do run after I am done...
Obviously this wait was not expected so I am hoping it isn't a trend.
Big hug to you.
Lisa, you and I are only LID 5 days apart (with the same agency if I'm not mistaken) and trust me this is one of the hardest things to deal with. If we don't get a WC or go the SN route, Dh will be 42 or 43 before we get our referral and he is so depressed about that. He waited until he was in his late 20's to find me and marry me and then it took us another 7 1/2 yrs to adopt our first because I was under 30 and couldn't do the China route just yet. Adopting here in the US is so hard.
Keep your chin up even though it's hard. That's why you have us blogging buddies around. I don't know what I'd do with out CHI's yahoogroup or my China blogging buddies.
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